Ricochets

 Sitting along the foot path having an unusual lunch I saw those innocent brown birds.The small, and quirky ones as if they were from my home. Bringing me back the sweet perfume of the lawn, the cold chill of waiting eyes. The hopped around picking up the pieces of bread, reminding me like here you are struggling for your food; and we have been waiting for you to fill that tub of water for us. Ahh wishes and wonders of joy and then a sudden lightning bolt; waking me up from my dream land. I just realized the head lights of car, people chattering, and lunchbox of rice on my table. I was just worried about my place, and I guess it was taking me in storms. "I felt this weak only once before", my heart whispers to my mind and I keep eating.

 I used to be allies with solitude but this time I was captured, prisoned, and was left struggling with every worst possibility of defeat and pressure. The shattered shards of me being part of some upcoming world, the colours, the vivid lights, and the cuddly feeling were suddenly pinching the blood out of me. It was all just pitch black again, yes again! Dead silence as your ears feel that scream inside of you.

 "Are you giving up? It's just a struggle you know it" words inside me. "Nobody likes this dreamer, nobody likes the fantasy. You can prove yourself one sensitive pussy, crying and praying again for torniquete. Or you can start being a practical man with rational decisions to live in this sinister". Thoughts, words, images, flashes surround my head like a ricochet. A dark faces laugh in my face, memories come back and it made me stood on the thin bridge of ice, melting under my feet as the time ticks out!

Desprately I tried to clear my head and what I had was like search for distraction. I didn't wanted to think about it, may be forget everything and start playing idiot!

Ashes Divide VII - The dolls

Today walking on the wood bridge along the sea, I stopped pushing that baby trolley for a while and took deep breath. Looked with empty yet love in my eyes inside the shade, where they lied in nice warm blanket. They were smiling, and glowing. Both of them were like the only ones who were left behind with me. May be I was wrong about how good I could have been before. May be I never knew my strengths. May be this was the best thing I could have ever earned in my life. It was not till the day I discovered them.
Hearing the smooth blemish sounds of organ in air I looked back into sky and the violins surrounding me. Rising and falling with waves around me, I looked them again. I pulled them out like a child to play. My two dolls, the dolls that may not seem so beautiful to others. The dolls with missing eyes and heads open like an empty cup from top. I can look through their eyes into the deep sea and skies. I can look through them and they don't hide. Yet they were not demanding and most beautiful ones I could have ever imagined. Their lips were still so cute and they always smiled at me. They could stand with me for hours and they listen to me as I speak. There soft existence and the pure spirit always seems to enlighten my path.
She was right I can still fly, the only difference is that now its my soul. But honestly speaking its better; better than those limited skies I could have flied in. I hugged them as tight in my arms as I could and stood along the shore...

Guzar Gaya

Wo dair tak sunta raha meri rahguzar ki hikayatain,
Meri arzu ke hisaar mein wo afton say guzar gaya

Usay bekhudi ki talash hai kari aafton ki khabar kahan,
Usay uski manzil nawaz day wo musafaton say guzar gaya

Wahan roshni ka hajoom hai yahan khalwatain behisaab hain,
Mujhey benishan ka hisab day key mein ujlaton say guzar gaya

Meri aasteen mein saraab hai teri arzoo ik khwab hai,
Meree dasht ko bhi kinaar day k mein barishon say guzar gaya

Teray raaste bhi ajeeb hain teray faislay abhi door hain,
Mujhey meri manzil nawaz day k mein koshishon say guzar gaya

Meri rat jagon ka hisab kar meri zindagi ka nisab kar,
Mujhey khoone dil se daraz kar k mein ghaflaton say guzar gaya

Yehi meri raah ka noor hai yehi teri chah ka nishaan bhi,
Mere ishq ko tu hi kamal day k mein rahaton say guzar gaya

...

Ashes Divide VI - Embark on

The Dissertate

The same dawn of hopes for everyone. The same dreamworld. With a wish to see them again I opened my eyes to a day covered with bruised clouds. A chill in air that everyone can feel. With a numb feeling I realized it was time to face her, face my next biggest fear and closed my eyes again. I knew it was coming, I knew I was weak, I knew... All the time it was about my fate of finding my strength in her. With some empty echos I fell asleep again. 

When I opened my eyes this time the burning sun just blinded me and then I saw her shadow. "Wake up dear!", she said. "I hope everybody is lying", and she then looked into my cracked eyes reading all that I wanted to say. With a fake smile she said "It was so hopeless... wasn't it?".

I was just restlessly looking into her deep blue eyes; as if it was the last glimpse. She sat down near me placing that gasoline injection near me. She wanted me to move and react. She wanted me to see fly the same way I always used to. I was lying so helplessly with a great wish in my mind that the injection can make me fly. It was just all so quite with a hollow sound of air when she injected me.

"You were never that weak", and she stood up opening her wings, "You have to fly!". I looked her for the last time and closed my eyes. I gave heed to her feet walking away from me. But then she stopped and said " But if some sorrow comes to you, utter my name with sighs, and tell the silence: Memory is true - there beats a heart wherein I dwell. "