Making of Esotery

So its been 6 months I have been working on this concept. I had that visual given to me by someone but took me three months to generate its feeling inside me. I took over 5 iterations to complete it. Each time with different model and different entities but same central idea. The first attempt gave me basic idea of what is it really gonna take me build the concept. The central problem that always persisted over all iterations was precision in the dept. So let me just give you a brief overview of what it took me to make it. In the first attempt I took a female model and that soft female entity destroyed the whole concept of "esoteric" feeling, expressions were too much abstract and one can extract million meanings out of it. Second attempt was an illustrative concept but colors and lights were just too hopeful. Third time I took a male model but again it went too much hopeful. The fourth time... well I was getting desperate and selected the pictures with no emotion again at time of releasing i realized that I should patient; and then after a silent wait I got what I want. After waiting almost 3 months and going through lots of catastrophes I found my expression. Here are the final results hope you like it.

View

Ashes Divide II - Tide of tears

And it shines on sky... from my quiet but unspoken soul.

I can hear the noisy shore now, screaming for the tide of tears inside my heart. I can see the sand starring at me, some with sympathy, and some with an evil chance; a chance to break me down and make me part of them. That huge dark stone with muddy texture now awaits me to stand on it as a leader and face those waves.
Million sharp memories were flashing in my mind. Each one bringing a new question inside me. I called his name, closed my eyes as tight as I could, and fell down on my knees. But I then felt the ashes felling on my face. They were tender and blinding me into my colorful past.
Sitting with my eyes closed and hearing our boat burning; I thought of all those times, all those moments, and all the dreams. That sweet flute, those rainbow colored clouds touching my body with there soft and cozy existence, those waves grasping me; where have they gone? Sweet tones and a charming sound with ability to give me powers were not there anymore, all I can hear were cracking sounds of the burning boats. With my shivering breath and broken body I brought my both hands together to pray someone to help me, with a hope that everything will be fine...

Ashes Divide

I can hear the unsounded. I can see it coming. I can feel it escaping like air from my lungs. Like a volcano it is just so unknown when will I erupt; or will I ever erupt? The faster I run towards it; the slower the time gets, creating no difference no matter what I do.  I can feel it burning in time, I can see the light, I can see people astonished by the emitted lights. The vibration under my feet and the brisk pace of my heart; that divides me somewhere in between the uncertain but a solitary feeling.

Those messages on the ashes; those voices from the tears, they always warned me for going back; when those decisions were written with a feather from my body and then I was thrown away. I don't want to loose this moment. I don't and I can't... I can see the last few blurry sights, smell the perfume, hear the vibrant screams. Always asking myself a question that will I ever make it? I still try to reach there, with a broken spine, bleeding feet, and the chilled breath. With each increasing step towards it I can see the rain of ashes getting dense, I can now feel what have I lost.

The tender air spreading it all over, the red and blue lights flashing in my eyes. The vestiges, the escaped, the unsaid, and my world of phantasm; it all disappeared, leaving few of its fragile memories behind.

A long pause ceased me for few moments... 

Its a wait; a silent anticipation of the unknown...

Afterglow

What is this feeling? What is surrounding me? Have you ever felt it? Like a pain running in my blood deep into my cores. A force holding my heart and making it push my blood even harder. Like chills of hopeless ends running down my spine and leaving me on a shore, where there is water up-to the limit of my sight and burning boats behind me...

I don't have a way back because I know its a one way street; but still I am worried and feeling the pain. Like swords being pushed through my shoulders down to my heart, making its way through lungs and make me as powerless as a new born.

Am I lost or is it just the origin of the unexpected? Like a reader skimming through a diary pages, the pages of my life are being flipped mercilessly and so fast that I cant catchup. After my success stories the pages of life are now inked with the epics of my failures and loss. I ain't quitting but I am just confused and pushing myself in this dark with a hope of light at end of tunnel.

Lets see how long this optimism is gonna be with me.

The Dissolution

OK its been a really really long time and now after skipping few of my work I am again feeling that I should be posting on this blog... :P

Anyhow in this chaotic situation around me, it is one of the feelings that I have perceived. The main idea is based on how on one sec I feel very optimistic about the life and the next I'm sure no one's going to come with a new hope. I lose my smile my appetite, my sleep. On the whole I am restless and walk around like a zombie. The idea of showing ruin and so much light is based on the feeling of laying a very weak bridge of feeling between the two. The idea of dissolving person is although an inspiration; but it fits so perfectly in the whole picture of this confusion; showing how time is consuming everything... Remaining blanks were filled by the model's expression; so here we are withe the end result:

Deemed utopia and purple skies,

A guy made of butterflies...

From the dark cores he came for thee,

but time has written not to be!

Sitting in intense light of fated betray,

he lets the soul die...as pure existence dissolves away.

And he waits for the end...as time swings away.

A beating heart she blessed him with,

A sweet faith with a simple twist.

As he got the wings to fly,

fate gave him some tears to cry!

From the dark caves to the purple skies,

Once I was the man made of butterflies!

At the end I will like to thank deviant art where I was able to find stock photos for completing this piece and off course the model itself.

Cheers.